Understanding Emotional Trauma

“Trauma is not what happens to you. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.”
— Dr. Gabor Maté

We all carry scars—some seen, others deeply hidden.

Emotional trauma is often one of the most misunderstood invisible wounds. It doesn’t always announce itself with drama or devastation. Sometimes, it shows up quietly: in anxiety, chronic stress, people-pleasing, perfectionism, emotional numbness or emotional overwhelm.

Here’s good news: healing is possible.

Trauma therapy is a very powerful tool to create healing and connect with your inner resources and power.

What Is Emotional Trauma?

Emotional trauma isn’t just major events like accidents, war or abuse (e.g. sometimes referred to as ‘Big T’ trauma). It can stem from subtle, ongoing experiences:

Emotional neglect
Feeling unloved
Being/feeling chronically shamed
Social exclusion
Not feeling safe expressing your emotions as a child.

It has been posited to be anything that overwhelms an organism’s ability to cope effectively.

Dr. Gabor Maté, author of The Myth of Normal & When the Body Says No, argues that trauma is less about the event and more about the internal disconnection it causes.

It’s not what happened, but how we were left alone with our pain, without support, validation, or regulation.

“Trauma is the disconnection from the self.” — Gabor Maté

This disconnection can manifest in adulthood as chronic illness, addiction, anxiety, depression and an inability to feel fully alive.

Your Body Keep the Score

Renowned psychiatrist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, in his landmark book The Body Keeps the Score, presents compelling research on how trauma is stored not just in the mind, but in the body.

He writes:

“Trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on mind, brain, and body.”

That’s why trauma survivors often experience physical sensations:

Tight muscles
Digestive issues
Fatigue
Racing heart
Nervous system dysregulation, hypervigilance or shutdown

This occurs long after the threat (real or perceived) has passed.

The impact of the tension we carry in our bodies and nervous systems creates an additional layer of threat and fear. This scares us and disconnects us from ourselves.

A mind-body approach to psychotherapy can be so transformative. You can learn to respond to the thoughts, emotions and nervous system/physical sensations involved.

This creates a deep trust and connection with your inner capacity. Anxiety hates that!

You can form a safe emotional attachment within (yes, you can change your emotional attachment style!).

Why Trauma Therapy Works

Healing trauma isn’t about “just getting over it” or simply talking about what happened. It’s about rebuilding connection: to our emotions, our bodies and to others.

How Trauma Therapy Helps

🧠 1. Restores Regulation

Trauma therapy helps calm the nervous system & rebalance the threat response. Approaches like Somatic-Informed Therapy, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and neurofeedback are designed to help the body and brain process trauma safely.

💬 2. Provides Safe Attachment

Many people experience trauma in relationships. Therapy provides a new relational experience — one that is safe, compassionate and attuned. Over time, this helps rewire attachment patterns.

🪞 3. Reconnects You to Yourself

According to Gabor Maté, healing is about reclaiming authenticity — the ability to feel, express and be yourself. Trauma informed-therapy gently helps peel back the layers of coping and defense, allowing your real self to emerge.

🔁 4. Processes the Past, Frees the Present

Trauma is not just remembered—it feels like it’s relived. Therapy can help you process those experiences so they no longer control their present. This frees up emotional energy to live more fully.

You Deserve to Heal

You don’t need to have lived through a war or catastrophe to seek trauma therapy. If you often feel disconnected, anxious, reactive or empty—your nervous system might be asking for healing.

Healing doesn’t mean erasing the past. It means changing your relationship with it. As Gabor Maté reminds us, trauma is not a life sentence—it’s a wound that can be understood, tended to and healed.

Final Thoughts

Emotional trauma may be invisible, but its effects are real. The empowering part? So is the healing.

If you’re struggling, reaching out for trauma-informed therapy isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s an act of courage. It’s one of the most powerful steps you can take to reclaim your life.

You deserve to feel safe in your own body. To feel whole. To connect to your authentic self.

Ready to Get Started? Our therapists are here to support you on your healing journey. We offer in-person psychotherapy in Toronto & online psychotherapy throughout Ontario. Contact Us to book a free 15-minute initial consultation or an initial appointment!

Resources & References

Maté, Gabor. The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture (2022)
van der Kolk, Bessel. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (2014)
Official site of Dr. Gabor Maté: https://drgabormate.com
Official site of Dr. Bessel van der Kolk: https://www.besselvanderkolk.com

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The Power of Trauma Therapy